You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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