Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dear god my vagina.
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