I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
