Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
