Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
