she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
