her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize