can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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