I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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