pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
