if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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