its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
