We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
