Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
