You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
