It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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