I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize