I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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