he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
