Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
