How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
