fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
