Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
