apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
