I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize