I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Enjoy the penises
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
