Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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