so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
