if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
