problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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