The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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