i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
