stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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