I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
