just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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