i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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