Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
