Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
