Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
