Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
