You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
