worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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