Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
