Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
