Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
