At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
