2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
