The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
