20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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