Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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