she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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