No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
