Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
