you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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