Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
