I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
