Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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