remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
