What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
