I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
