i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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