I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
