We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
