omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
