Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
