The best revenge is premature balding
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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