is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize