the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
